You probably think this is going to be me ranting about tea. Well, you are all so wrong. So wrong.
My first letter sounds pretty stupid, right? Apple cinnamon tea? Really? That's so boring. First of all, that tea was super delicious and second of all, there is more to the story than that hot liquid in a cup. If you all really want to know what's up, then let me place you in my shoes that I was wearing from 2:00 PM-3:15 PM.
My English class was finally over after a long talk about picking research paper topics. My stomach growled the whole time and it still rumbled as I walked to the building across from the one I was already in. Since my lunch hours are screwed up, I quickly went upstairs to the dining hall to grab some grub. After satisfying my hunger, I grabbed some tea to go with my light reading about Greek Legends (that's sarcasm). That warm tea was the highlight of my afternoon as I scanned my textbook until the lines went blurry. Reading 30 pages can eventually make your eyes tired and the tea really didn't help.
I could have climbed onto the table to sleep, but of course I wouldn't do that because that's nasty.
In my relaxed state, I was hypnotized by the snow falling behind the window. If someone was singing a lullaby in my ear at that very moment, then I think I would have completely zonked out. Now, my whole body was relaxing from all of this. Let me say that again -- my WHOLE body. The smallest areas of my body were relaxing without my control. I knew I had set myself up after eating corned beef and cabbage two days in a row before coming back to school. As I relaxed, so did my lower track and out came the cabbage's revenge. Thankfully it was not a loud, bubbling fart that could be heard from a few feet away. But wait. If it was not a loud one, then it can only be named as one other thing...SILENT, BUT DEADLY. Not even a mouse could hear this fart of mine, but I'm sure the smell could kill it instantly. I still sat there, trying to look like nothing happened even when the smell of my own gas filled my nose. I just took that cup of tea and sipped away! Now that is the most classiest way to pretend like you didn't eat half of a cabbage in 2 days!
I let out a couple more farts as I sat there. I thought that what I was doing was totally fine since everyone at the table to my right was sitting at the very end of it. I felt no shame until one of the guys sitting at that table got up and walked right into my gas plume. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't stopped right in it as he finished saying something to his friend. I felt bad for his nose, but there was nothing I could do. Cabbage may smell delicious when cooked, but its aroma after being digested doesn't quite smell the same.
After the guy finally walked away, I finished my tea and headed out the doors. I could have felt like the victim, the gross, young lady who has a sensitive tummy, but I put all of the blame on St. Patrick's Day! Curse you, you succulent meal that I hadn't had in years! Still, I am not ashamed, but I do wish I wasn't so gassy. And that's the truth.
I hope you all had a happy cabbage revenge day!
Stay tuned for the next letter!
B!
*Wink picture from tumblr.com. Tea is my picture!*
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